hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
