I cut my penus on the lid.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
