Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
