EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
