My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
