I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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