i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
