omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
