i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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