I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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