so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
