why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
