He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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