I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
