Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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