in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
