I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
