I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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