Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
love makes seman taste better
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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