i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
