Redeem this text for a blowjob
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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