but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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