So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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