Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
