she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
