...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
