i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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