if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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