I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize