can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
