I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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