We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize