I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
