If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize