I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
