So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
