just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
