i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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