He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
