So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
