Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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