I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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