Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
