So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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