I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Let's paint friendship bongs
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You dont lie about slip and slides
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We left the knife in your bed.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
