I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
