so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
