Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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