She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
