Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
