If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
