The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
