he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
