im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
as a side note pls kill me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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