if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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