You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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