I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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