And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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