Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
