I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
