I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
