Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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