I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
