It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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