Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
