Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
