I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
