yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
love makes seman taste better
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
