Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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