I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
