onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
