Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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